Things I hate about Facebook!!!!

In one of my mails I confessed that I do a lot of whining….so here I am whining about the Facebook in this post.

Here’s a ramdom and perfunctory list of things that I hate about FACEBOOK

·         Poke: Really?? It is so damn irritating….U receive a notification – So and so has poked you…..so what am I supposed to do now?? Poke him or her back….bakwass!!!!  It is as repugnant as when some one calls me ‘Roopali’ instead of ‘Deepali’. Wait, that’s just not all….there is super poke too…oooh yeah!!!!  Let me tell you, if you poke me....i will poke you back with my nails painted with ferocious looking nailpaint.

·         Lame status updates: There are few people who abuse the status update option by overusing it. They change their status message more frequently than I change my nail paint….And, the worst part, the status (sometimes) can be so gross….euuiiii..

Such as: “…is having a coffee”….and some super intelligent person will respond to this intellectual message in an equally smart way by commenting …”Normal or Decaf?” or, “….is so upset .”….... Seriously..??? OMG!!!!! My head hurts read those status!!

I want to tell people Facebook is not your personal diary…..so please refrain from giving every little detail of your dreary routine.

·         Random friend requests: One of the biggest nuisance is the 'random friend request'. You know, that guy who your brothers' girlfriend’s friend whom u once met at a wedding, and he now wants to be your friend simply because you've got several mutual acquaintances.

And Sometimes you get a request from that girl you didn't like the look of at school and subsequently never even spoke to – she adds you because of the ‘friend suggestion feature’ (another revolting feature of FB) 6 years after the school.

And for all the fraandsip  requests I get ……Gimme a break…..u spell like a two year old…and cant even form one decent grammatically correct sentence. Do you really expect me to be friends with you????  Did I visit your god damn f***ing profile….NO. Did I fell on my feet and beg you to send be “valuable Friendship request”. No. Go sc**w ur self man….u are not even worth this reply…..What do u think….I am desperately waiting for some random guy like you to send me a request and I will promptly except it……

ok now enough of vilification and haranguing ….(yeaah I can be really cocky when I want to be)….But seriously the audacity of such people is a total turn off……

·         Mafia group, farming community or treasure mania requests: I seriously don’t care if you grow Marijuana on farmville then sell it on mafia wars…please don’t send me invites. And if some one sends me one more Farmville invite….i will fire your crops and expel ur animals to a distant galaxy……(I seriously wish I cud do this)

·         Faltu Quizzes:  How sexy is your name? Will you survive a zombie attack??( first of all, a zombie attack???? and how can one judge this thru a FB quiz…..sorry my pea-sized brain is unable to comprehend this) When will you get married? Which Mahabharata character you are?? Somebody please get me an ice-pick to jab into my skull.

Ok enough of bickering and bitching for the day……after this blasphemous diatribe …..its time for facebook now….i know….. I am such a hypocrite!!!!!!! (devilish smirk)

Life is Beautiful

Random incidences of sheer joy which act as catalysts, heartening us to go on…amidst all the tribulations of life. Those anonymous moments of joys. Beguiling pleasures.

Getting your data point in the foremost search that too on the first page of google

Leaving for home on time.

Drops of rain on ur head

Jam-free roads

Unexpected call from a friend

Aroma of your favourite Rajma Chawal.

50% discount on W’s

Finding the matching nail-paint

A great book

Lazy Sunday

An enjoyable flick

Excellent client call

Satiating meal

A Melodious number

Now, even all entropy in the world seems to be an inconsequential bother.

Delhi ...Saddi Delhi

Delhi…my home…the place I was born…the place where I have spend nearly three fourth of my life-time. I am in love with the city!

With its stifling hot days and breezy evenings, Delhi is a blend of old and new; rich and poor; beautiful and ugly. I am in love with the city’s greenery tree lined roads, historic heritage sites and its metro rail. I am equally in love with its rutted roads, concrete jungles, vast space of slum dwellings and garbage lined streets.

May be its polluted air has that addictive property. Or may be like a loving child I am too blinkered to see any fault in my motherland. Or may be I am a completely crazy person. Whichever way, I just love it!!!

Despite all its problems, Delhi offers the best quality of life to its residents among all cities in the country, according to a 'Liveability Index' released by CII.

Fellow Mumbaikars lament Delhi for its lack of manners and conduct. Ofcourse it is noisy, uncouth and indecorous. But there can be no denying of the fact that there is no city as vibrant, as colourful and as lively. There is a spirit in its wind – a music to its sound – there is a rhythm in its crowd and a thrill in its pace.

List of the words I like

As you must have noticed, most of my posts are about me….about my experiences, my thoughts, my beliefs and my ideas. I agree I am a narcissist. Like Kareena in JWM  I say, “main apni sabse favourite hoon”. Some are confounded by my adolescent jargon ( Okkk I should reassess over before calling myself an adolescent), some get an head ache, some are pissed off ( making writing all the more fun for me). So, I promise you this post is no different, I will talk about my take on few English words and continue spewing rubbish on the readers. I sometimes think, I can give serious competition to our blabber ministers Jairam and Tharoor .:P:P

In an article that appeared in Guardian, a renowned poet noted “there is something idiosyncratic about some words, something about the way the word feels in your mouth as you say it” . Inspired by this, I have compiled a list of words that I find interesting.

·         Syzygy: Linear alignment of 3 celestial bodies (the sun, the moon and the earth)

o        Reason: It has got three ‘Y’s. I find Y opulent words fascinating. Also, it is the second six letter word I know of which doesn’t contain any vowels.

·         Nincompoop: A silly, foolish, or stupid person

o        Reason: it has got ‘poop’in it….i told you I am disgusting..:P:P

·         Purview: The range of operation, authority, control, concern

o        Reason: Same. it has got ‘purr’ sound in it…..i am superrrrr- disgusting

·         Flibbertigibbet: Silly, Flighty, light-headed person

o        Reason: Its so much fun when u use invectives which the other person doesn’t understand

·         Floccinaucinihilipilification: Of little or no value

o        Reason: Looks like a full gown caterpillar from a distance :P:P. By the way isn’t it a really convoluted way of expressing a simple expression.

·         Ecdysiast: A striptease artist

o         Reason: Isn’t it fun when ur wife/gf asks you where have u been and u say with a devish smirk…went to see a Ecdysiast.

·         Cul-de-sac: Dead end, close, no through road

o        Reason: It kinda sounds like WTF….*impish grin*

·         Jamboree: A noisy celebration. A large assembly

o        Reason: sounds like some gaon ki choreee!

·         Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious: a nonsense word meaning fantastic

o        Reason: It took me exactly half a minute and 5 nano-secs and half my lunch to say this gigantic word.

PS: I would really like to thank ‘The Furobiker’( ahhhh!!!!! Another word I find amusing…uffff people and their whims….what a name *wry smile*…wah wah…*polite applause*), whose ideas and inputs made this post possible. Without your weird and baloney ideas this couldn’t be accomplished. Chalo award function me naa sahi…mail me toh thank u speech dene ka mauka milla :D:D

Conversations in a Metro

Delhi Metro, the lifeline of the city. Have you ever tried paying attention to the conversations around you, while travelling in a metro? If you hear closely, people have the most interesting stories. Listen. The frivolous banter of college girls, coochie cooing of the lovers, gossiping sessions of aunties, lewd talks of the sadakchhaps, bemoaning of unsatisfied employees, anxious discussions of school students. Listen.

A gang of college boys. Listen. Boy in his early twenties, wearing a slightly oversized blue shirt is sharing with his friends, the cause of his recently acquired insomnia . “I was sleeping and dreaming about Katrina kaif”. Lots of nudge-nudge wink wink from his friends. “It was all so perfect, until an elephant began trumpeting at the godly hours .” His friends look at him puzzled. The blue t-shirt guy continues,” Yes!! And with passing time the noise grew louder, in a strange systematic way. I tossed and turned. Covered my ears with the pillow. Alas!!! Nothing helped. Highly exasperated I decided to check out, I looked outside , to my dismay I couldn’t find any elephant. I  looked to my right…there I saw the elephant. Yep. My 140 kgs rommie, Shishir, sitting in a mendicant posture, doing pranayama. He inhaled  through his blue whale sized nostrils and then let out with a loud burst,making that highly irksome noise”

Listen. A bunch of middle aged aunties gossiping in high pitch, commanding eyeballs from all the passengers. An aunty in a hideously shimmering red kurta, shouts ”Do you know Shiela went to Seychelles, last month to celebrate her 25^th anniversary. “  Another aunty, who thinks she is Aishwarya Rai II and every second man/guy in the train is checking her out, grunts snobbishly, ”Old news, I already know that”. She was sort of emaciated with a petite frame, wearing a designer kurta, Gucci’s goggles. With a supercilious tone she continues, ”I  saw it on facebook (Ahh!!! The ubiquitous facebook again!!!). Arre her holiday pics. I must tell you she must have taken a cheap tour package. The hotel kinda looked despicable and cheap. You know, we stayedin a five star hotel, when we went there.”

Listen. Two school kids chitchatting. “If you play Tetris continuously for five weeks without any breaks, You start looking like bricks. Different colored bricks”.

Observe and listen. Enters, a gargantuan sized woman, shoving her ample self through the narrow path. She literally performs stampede over few hapless passenger who give her petulant look. With her huge XXL frame, she stands towering over the passengers sitting on the seats . One hand on her hips and gesticulates with the other, instructing the passengers sitting to move aside and make way for her. She instructs ”Bhaiya zara side hona. Uncle aap bhi thoda sa khisakna” You are left flabbergasted at the way she manages to finally fit in herself in an already overcrowded seat. A mammoth anaconda recoiling (or throwing out others)  itself to fit in the narrow passage.

Listen. A newly married couple is sitting. Hand in hand, eyes talking surreptitiously, blushing and giggling. A lady comes and asks the man for the seat. Naively he replies, “I can’t get up as I just got married”. Bambi with testosterone!!!

There are innumerable anecdotes to be heard. Just clear your ear wax!!!