Delhi Metro, the lifeline of the city. Have you ever tried paying attention to the conversations around you, while travelling in a metro? If you hear closely, people have the most interesting stories. Listen. The frivolous banter of college girls, coochie cooing of the lovers, gossiping sessions of aunties, lewd talks of the sadakchhaps, bemoaning of unsatisfied employees, anxious discussions of school students. Listen.
A gang of college boys. Listen. Boy in his early twenties, wearing a slightly oversized blue shirt is sharing with his friends, the cause of his recently acquired insomnia . “I was sleeping and dreaming about Katrina kaif”. Lots of nudge-nudge wink wink from his friends. “It was all so perfect, until an elephant began trumpeting at the godly hours .” His friends look at him puzzled. The blue t-shirt guy continues,” Yes!! And with passing time the noise grew louder, in a strange systematic way. I tossed and turned. Covered my ears with the pillow. Alas!!! Nothing helped. Highly exasperated I decided to check out, I looked outside , to my dismay I couldn’t find any elephant. I looked to my right…there I saw the elephant. Yep. My 140 kgs rommie, Shishir, sitting in a mendicant posture, doing pranayama. He inhaled through his blue whale sized nostrils and then let out with a loud burst,making that highly irksome noise”
Listen. A bunch of middle aged aunties gossiping in high pitch, commanding eyeballs from all the passengers. An aunty in a hideously shimmering red kurta, shouts ”Do you know Shiela went to Seychelles, last month to celebrate her 25th anniversary. “ Another aunty, who thinks she is Aishwarya Rai II and every second man/guy in the train is checking her out, grunts snobbishly, ”Old news, I already know that”. She was sort of emaciated with a petite frame, wearing a designer kurta, Gucci’s goggles. With a supercilious tone she continues, ”I saw it on facebook (Ahh!!! The ubiquitous facebook again!!!). Arre her holiday pics. I must tell you she must have taken a cheap tour package. The hotel kinda looked despicable and cheap. You know, we stayedin a five star hotel, when we went there.”
Listen. Two school kids chitchatting. “If you play Tetris continuously for five weeks without any breaks, You start looking like bricks. Different colored bricks”.
Observe and listen. Enters, a gargantuan sized woman, shoving her ample self through the narrow path. She literally performs stampede over few hapless passenger who give her petulant look. With her huge XXL frame, she stands towering over the passengers sitting on the seats . One hand on her hips and gesticulates with the other, instructing the passengers sitting to move aside and make way for her. She instructs ”Bhaiya zara side hona. Uncle aap bhi thoda sa khisakna” You are left flabbergasted at the way she manages to finally fit in herself in an already overcrowded seat. A mammoth anaconda recoiling (or throwing out others) itself to fit in the narrow passage.
Listen. A newly married couple is sitting. Hand in hand, eyes talking surreptitiously, blushing and giggling. A lady comes and asks the man for the seat. Naively he replies, “I can’t get up as I just got married”. Bambi with testosterone!!!
There are innumerable anecdotes to be heard. Just clear your ear wax!!!
Thanx a lot Kapil!!! :):)
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